But who am I, really?

But who am I, really?

My name is Danielle. It’s the name given to me when I was born. Daniel is my Uncles name. He died much too young in a car accident on his way home from college for Christmas. A couple years after that I came along. I’m not sure to this day whether it is my Uncle Danny they honored or me by naming me after him, perhaps it’s both. I’ve always felt a very strong connection to Danny even though I never had the chance to know him. Is it the power of the name we share? Or is it something much deeper than that? I choose to believe the latter.

There are many pieces of me that make up my name, the “who” I am. My Uncle is the very first piece. Maybe that’s where I get my strength and resilience from. I could not be more proud than I am to carry on the Danny/Dani Curtis legacy. I like to think he would be proud of me. I feel like if he were still with us that he wouldn’t have let half the stuff I went through stand. Like he would’ve been my protector. Maybe he is the reason I’ve survived all that I have, maybe he’s been with me the whole time.

(Gosh I could write forever about him. Perhaps another post another day).

Who am I besides the namesake of my predecessor?

I am a survivor of abuse (sexual, physical, verbal, emotional, mental)

I am sober because I walked on a very slippery slope that would’ve lead me straight in to alcoholism. It took me some time to realize it, but I finally did. I am very proud of my sobriety (that’s the first time I’ve actually said that, “my sobriety”, I might be a little bit more proud now).

I am an adult learning to love myself.

I am an adult trying to nurture, provide safety and reassurance, love and affection, and to heal my wounded child. (this is so much harder than one might imagine it to be)

I am an adult who battles depression, complex PTSD, Adult ADHD (sans the H), codependency, and other traits that come from being victimized from such a young age and over the span of so many years (I’m not claiming that my¬†depression or the ADHD are caused by the¬†abuse, but the rest are directly related to it).

I am insecure.

I am often full of self-doubt

I am a lesbian. I did not choose to be; I just am. Given the hard life I have lived I don’t think if it were a choice I would’ve gone with being gay. Yes, I’ve been with men and they did absolutely nothing for me. I have zero shame that I am a lesbian. I do not feel I am sinning or going to hell for being created this way (I don’t believe in Christianity anyways, I have nothing against those who do, it’s just not for me)

I am a spiritual person, not a religious person.

I am Irish

I am one who meditates (not a religious practice, although many believe it to be)

I am an animal lover. Dogs are my first choice, but I love all animals.

I am a photographer (not professional, just for fun and clarity)

I am a lover of nature

I am not a lover of insects, snakes, most reptiles, or free roaming rodents. With that said, I don’t want to see harm come to any of them. I just want them to stay away from me.

I am one who could spend an entire day staring at a lake.

I am a sunrise and sunset kind of girl.

I am a Universe and all it’s beauty kind of girl.

I am a reader

I am a writer

I am a music lover (some music just speaks right to the soul)

I am a movie watcher

I am a favorite color and number kind of girl (blue and 2)

I am fearful.

I am jumpy, I startle easily (this is new)

I am a fixer, advice giver. I’m not always good at taking my own advice, but I am wonderful at helping others. Doing this brings me joy and fills my heart with love and happiness.

I am a college student.

I am a full-time employee

I am a daughter, sister, aunt, niece, cousin, and granddaughter

I am a friend

I am kind, loving, compassionate, and empathetic

I am an ambivert.

I am intelligent.

I am humble.

I am perfectly imperfect.

I am human.

I am all of these things and so much more.

I am me.

I am Danielle!

And I am learning to love who I am ♥

With Loving-Kindness from me to you; whoever you are ♥♥

 

 

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