In my life I have been fortunate enough to have a handful of people who have touched my heart in a way I never thought possible.
I’ve learned there is more than on way to be “in love”. I’ve also been fortunate in having experienced both, even though both ended in heartbreak. I spent most of my life thinking I had been romantically in love with my partners, until I was actually in love with someone. That is a love on a whole different level; there are no words to describe a love with that much depth. But the heartache that came in the end was equally as deep. Even with all of the pain I endured I have no regrets. Then there was this other type of “in love”. It was the day I met my grand-daughter (my step-sons daughter). She stole my heart. I could not get enough of her. It was/is a love unlike any other I’ve ever felt. Unfortunately things happen in life and decisions needed to be made. It broke my heart to have to make the decision to not see her anymore. I’ve often wondered if I will ever feel either of those types of love again.
I’ve learned what it is to be loved without judgement or condition, and from what I can tell, unconditionally. This person and I have what I would describe as a unique relationship. She has touched my heart, my life, and my soul in countless ways. She only has my best interest at heart, even when I can’t see what’s in my best interest. She has given me her courage and her strength when I couldn’t find my own. She is someone I hope will stay in my life for many years to come.
I’ve learned that I am never alone. As long as this person is alive I will never be alone. She has been here for me no matter what over the last few years. Whether she is traveling the country or relaxing at home, I know if I need her all I have to do is reach out. She was one of my two rocks when I needed one the most. She’s also been tough on me when I’ve needed it. At one point she was like my between therapy sessions, therapist. Our relationship has morphed into one that I find great comfort in.
I’ve learned, over this past year, how protective I am of people I love. In some cases I don’t even see it coming until I’ve called a very rude man a very inappropriate name. I couldn’t help it. Treat one of my loved ones in a disrespectful way, expect a response from me. I’ve formed an entirely new relationship with this person. I’ve learned she has a strength, courage, will, and endurance that I had no idea lived inside of her. It’s almost as though we have been getting to know each other all over again. She has been a huge inspiration in my not drinking anymore (I’m not sure I’ve told her that). It’s been wonderful building on our relationship this last year. I am so very proud of her!
Lastly, I have learned the importance of connection, support, encouragement, and caring. This is another case of me being protective, with this person though, I have to mind a boundary (which is not always easy). We’ve had many in-depth conversations and debates over the last 5 months. He has challenged me in many ways, but they’ve been good challenges. He has opened my mind and my heart in new ways. I have a newfound level of compassion. I’m not sure he knows how much he has done for and given me over the last 5 months. Monday-Friday we share what we are grateful for and our goals for the next day. We gently hold each other accountable for our goals. I find myself looking forward to this daily, it’s the highlight of my day. Our time has been limited over the last 4 weeks compared to what it had been prior to that, but he stops in daily and if I’m not here when he stops, he makes a point of calling while I’m at work to share gratitude and goals (99% of the time, I’m here). We said our first goodbye 4 weeks ago, and will have to say goodbye, for now, again on Monday. That’s going to be a tough one for me.
All of these people have touched my life and heart in ways that no one else has. These people will forever hold a place in my heart, whether they are near or far. Connections like these do not happen everyday, I am so very fortunate to have these connections with these wonderfully beautiful people. These connections are not something I take for granted. I cherish each and every one of them in their own very unique ways. It is truly an honor to have these people in my life and to be part of their’s, even the one’s who are no longer in my life. I love them all.