At this point we may all have picked up on my little issue with holding boundaries. I set them and inevitably I seem to bend, if not break, them. So here is my set of boundaries that I cannot afford to break and must adhere to no matter how difficult or painful it might be. When I’m struggling to hold any of these boundaries I can look back on this post and use it as a resource to help me maintain whichever boundary I am struggling to hold.
- Do not drink (this one isn’t so difficult anymore)
- Do not openly express or act on feelings towards people who are unavailable to me due to their current relationship status, and other reasons that could make someone unavailable to me. I dislike labels to begin with, I refuse to carry the “home wrecker” label. I can only pursue relationships with single, available people who are equally as interested in me as I am in them. I’ve been the cheated and the cheater, I’ve been the “other woman” and I cannot put myself in a position to play any of those roles again. I have no doubts that one day I will spend the rest of my life living and loving happily with the right person. Until then, I am content living the single life and I am grateful for the wonderful deep connections I have with very special people in my life.
- Do not allow people to take more than I am willing to give. I am a yes woman and I need to practice saying “no” more than I do. I just had a conversation with a co-worker last night that reminded me that it’s okay to say no. It’s okay to be tired and to not work more than what’s required. I constantly remind her of her ability to set and hold boundaries. She was pretty funny when she flipped the script on me and held me accountable for not holding a boundary; nor would she let me get away with justifying why I continue to let it happen. It’s funny how easy it is to see when others struggle/suffer from an inability to hold a boundary for the purpose of self preservation but yet we can’t see it for ourselves. This co-worker and I have come to have a lot of respect, trust, and honesty with/for each other.
- Do not allow others to treat me in a way that is less than how I deserve to be treated. I am only as good as I believe I am. I will not allow others to treat me in such a way that I begin to think and believe that I am not good enough, worthy enough, deserving enough to be loved, appreciated, respected, and heard. I do NOT have to believe nor accept everything people, I included, say about me.
- Do not ever stop getting back up! I’ve been knocked down many times by others as well as myself. I’ve been exhausted, I’ve felt hopeless and helpless, I’ve had times when I thought there is no way I can keep trying, when I thought there was no way I could get up again. And still I’ve gotten up and kept trying. Failures and mistakes are what inch us closer to our destinations, they are what teach us what not to do next time around. We all have failures and mistakes and we all get knocked down in life; it’s what we do after we get knocked down that matters. To this point in my life I’ve always gotten back up, tattered and torn, but I got back up. I will continue getting back up because I refuse to give up on myself, I am worth fighting for, I am worth getting back up for.
- I have to figure out a way to stick to my healthy daily routine. I call it a routine but it’s really a boundary I’ve set and struggle to hold. I know I feel better when I meditate, practice yoga, and eat healthier. It’s a boundary because it is for my well-being and I cannot continue to put my well-being aside. I need to sit with this one for a bit to come up with a plan to hold myself accountable, to learn from my failures, get back up, and do it differently than the last several times because those times didn’t work. I need to look inside myself to see what I need in order to hold this boundary. Looking inside myself is something I generally try to avoid as there is something in me that I don’t want to face. I have no idea what it is but it ALWAYS gets in my way (Hey K, I need you on this one, perhaps we can talk about this Monday? And also, I’m not sure if I’ve mentioned it before, but you’re a wonderful person 😉 Thank you for all you do. You’ve helped me in countless ways. I would still be lost if not for you).
And now it’s time to get back up and try again.