…there was a girl who ate healthy, practiced Yoga almost daily, meditated regularly, and went for jogs 2-3 times a week. Physically, she felt amazing! Emotionally, she felt better than she had in a very long time.
This girl made time for things that she loved, like photography and writing. She was as close to some semblance of happiness, as she had ever been.
Somewhere along the way something shifted in her. It was a slow progression; running faded off, yoga and meditation practices became less and less until they were nearly nonexistent. Photography and writing took a backseat to streaming movies and playing games on her phone. Healthy eating? Forget it! Her eating habits became the worst they had been in 10-15 years, probably even worse than that. Breakfast was no longer even a thought in the morning. Lunch, if remembered at all, was typically a candy bar and chips, or cookies, or crackers. Dinner had become anything that could be microwaved, even that seemed like too much of a task for her to take on some nights, on those nights dinner would be something similar to lunch.
These unhealthy habits she was indulging herself in had gone on for months and months. She began to feel her body breaking down from the lack of activity and any substantial form of nutrition. She has become increasingly tired, her joints ache and pop, she’s gained a significant amount of weight, she’s become more and more isolated. She put some effort forth in interacting with and meeting new people, but ultimately, seclusion won. She looks and feels older than she should. Her muscles have lost strength and are often sore to the touch for no reason at all. She is easily winded. There are times she struggles to take in deep breaths, while just sitting watching a movie. She never used to have headaches, but now they are a regular occurrence. Her skin is changing. She has noticed small red dry patches appearing for seemingly no reason.
She realizes that these unhealthy habits are killing her slowly, but she hasn’t been able to get herself to make the necessary changes to get back to eating healthy, yoga, meditation, jogging, photography, and writing. She doesn’t know how to fix it all. She’s lost herself. She’s fighting to hold on, to not completely give up on herself. She knows she can make the changes because she has made them before. She is digging relentlessly to get out of the hole she has fallen in. She’s a fighter, a survivor, she always has been and always will be. She just needs to figure out how to get her feet back underneath her.
I believe in her, she has great strength. She has demonstrated her strength and courage time and time and time again. I admire her grit, her resilience, and her courage to keep getting back up every single time she is knocked down. I love her, sometimes she makes it hard for me to love her, but I love her regardless of how damn difficult she can make it.
She, is Me.