I’m Truly Happy When…

I’m Truly Happy When…

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what it is that sets my soul on fire. When am I truly happy. It hit me today.

I am at my happiest when I am helping people. That is what sets my soul on fire. It doesn’t matter how big or small the task is, so long as I’m helping in some way.

Today a coworker came to my cubical, sat down and apologized to me for being so short the last couple of days. She wanted me to know that it had nothing to do with me and that she has just been very upset. I told her I didn’t take it personally and that she had nothing to apologize for. She explained her situation and I told her to try not to take it personally. How that person is treating her has nothing to do with her, it is not a reflection of her, but rather a reflection of the other person.

After work, I stopped at Target to get a few things (it’s like my second home). I needed paper towels, but didn’t want the big packs, I just wanted the two pack. Well, the two packs were on the top shelf and nearly gone. I had to stand on the bottom shelf to reach the two pack. I placed one two pack in my cart and then a lady, probably in her 70s, asked if I could reach another one for her. I told her I absolutely could. I grabbed a second one for her, handed them to her, she thanked me and we went on our separate ways.

Both of the above situations filled me with happiness.

You’d be hard pressed to find something I truly love about myself, but I do love that helping people is what makes me happiest, it’s what sets my soul on fire. I love that about me.

It’s Too Soon…

It’s Too Soon…

I first started writing this when I got back from my trip to Bethesda, MD a few days ago. The content of the original was a bit different than what you’re reading now. Funny how life can change so much in just a few days, isn’t it?

I don’t think I’m ready to write about this yet. It’s too soon, too fresh, and still aches too much.

-Spinning

Once Upon a Time…

…there was a girl who ate healthy, practiced Yoga almost daily, meditated regularly, and went for jogs 2-3 times a week. Physically, she felt amazing! Emotionally, she felt better than she had in a very long time.

This girl made time for things that she loved, like photography and writing. She was as close to some semblance of happiness, as she had ever been.

Somewhere along the way something shifted in her. It was a slow progression; running faded off, yoga and meditation practices became less and less until they were nearly nonexistent. Photography and writing took a backseat to streaming movies and playing games on her phone. Healthy eating? Forget it! Her eating habits became the worst they had been in 10-15 years, probably even worse than that. Breakfast was no longer even a thought in the morning. Lunch, if remembered at all, was typically a candy bar and chips, or cookies, or crackers. Dinner had become anything that could be microwaved, even that seemed like too much of a task for her to take on some nights, on those nights dinner would be something similar to lunch.

These unhealthy habits she was indulging herself in had gone on for months and months. She began to feel her body breaking down from the lack of activity and any substantial form of nutrition. She has become increasingly tired, her joints ache and pop, she’s gained a significant amount of weight, she’s become more and more isolated. She put some effort forth in interacting with and meeting new people, but ultimately, seclusion won. She looks and feels older than she should. Her muscles have lost strength and are often sore to the touch for no reason at all. She is easily winded. There are times she struggles to take in deep breaths, while just sitting watching a movie. She never used to have headaches, but now they are a regular occurrence. Her skin is changing. She has noticed small red dry patches appearing for seemingly no reason.

She realizes that these unhealthy habits are killing her slowly, but she hasn’t been able to get herself to make the necessary changes to get back to eating healthy, yoga, meditation, jogging, photography, and writing. She doesn’t know how to fix it all. She’s lost herself. She’s fighting to hold on, to not completely give up on herself. She knows she can make the changes because she has made them before. She is digging relentlessly to get out of the hole she has fallen in. She’s a fighter, a survivor, she always has been and always will be. She just needs to figure out how to get her feet back underneath her.

I believe in her, she has great strength. She has demonstrated her strength and courage time and time and time again. I admire her grit, her resilience, and her courage to keep getting back up every single time she is knocked down. I love her, sometimes she makes it hard for me to love her, but I love her regardless of how damn difficult she can make it.

She, is Me.

I Wonder…

I can feel you. 
I have felt you for a hundred lifetimes;
I have loved you for as many.

I can't explain it.
I have no words;
I have tried with no avail.

I wonder, can you feel me?
Have you felt me for a hundred lifetimes?
Have you loved me for as many?

Can you explain it?
Have you the words?
Or have you, too, tried with no avail?

I find a connection, such as ours, is hard to deny. 
I wonder, do you find the same?