Healthy Reconnection

I spent time with someone last night that I last saw about a year ago. Back then our relationship was complicated and a bit strange. I reached out to her a couple of weeks ago and asked if she could cut my hair for me, being the kind soul that she is, she of course said yes, even though it had been a year since we last saw each other and that was a somewhat strange situation. Our first two attempts at getting together to cut my hair failed. The first time was on my behalf and the second time was on her behalf, but the third time is the charm!

When I arrived at her place it was like no time had passed at all. Conversation was easy and effortless and our connection felt different, better, healthier than it had been before. There was safety and a sense of comfort between us. She told me everything that has been going on in her life during this past year, and I told her everything that has been going on in mine as well.

We gave each other space to be our authentic selves, to be vulnerable with one another, and to feel safe in doing so. We shared in laughter and each other’s heartache’s and struggles. There was authentic kindness, compassion, sympathy, empathy, and a genuine care for each other. We gave each other encouragement and support. It was easy and natural.

I will not tell her story, as it is not mine to tell, but there was a moment when she was telling me the past year of her life, where I was so overcome with excitement for her and a sense of pride for how far she has come in her journey. I could see how proud she was of herself. I don’t think there is anything I love more than when someone has a breakthrough in their life, when they have an “aha” moment, when a difficult lesson has finally been learned, when they can see how far they have come and how much they have grown, when they can see their value, their self-worth; it’s like leveling up in life. I saw all of this in her as she was sharing her year with me. Putting in the work to get there is a mother-fucker, but damnit, it’s worth it! I am so proud of her and excited for her. I can’t wait to see where her journey takes her next!

We talked about relationships, lessons learned, how necessary healthy boundaries are, and that while it is important to know what you want in a partner and relationship, it is equally, if not, more important to know what you will not accept/tolerate in a partner and relationship. (A future blog post on this).

We talked about my dad and him dying of lung cancer. As I was telling her everything from the day we found out until now, I could see in her eyes, the empathy she felt for what I (and my family) are going through. Her eyes were soft and kind and filled with compassion. She didn’t speak at all, she just sat and listened as I talked. When I was done, she looked at me, with such raw authenticity, and said, “I’m sorry you’re going through this. I’m not going to pretend to know what you are going through. I’m not going to pretend to know what to say, because I don’t know what to say other than, I’m so sorry.” I found such comfort in her words. I don’t think I can explain it. Her words were just so real, honest, and simple, but had a big impact on me. She wasn’t trying to make me feel better, or fix anything, or ease my heartache, or change the subject. She allowed me to just be, to sit with it, to feel it, and for that to be ok.

It seems a year has changed us both. We’ve both gone through some pretty heavy shit over the last year. It has allowed us to grow in so many ways. We are definitely not the same people we were the last time we saw each other. I think because of the shit we’ve both gone through over the last year, it’s allowed us to connect on a deeper level. I very much look forward to seeing were this friendship goes. It is such a wonderful thing to have true authentic friendships, relationships, connections with people.

We ended our evening with a long comforting hug. She looked at me and she said, “call me anytime if you need to talk…or if you just want to sit in silence, that’s ok too.”

Thank you, my dear friend, for a wonderful night and reconnection (and my haircut), I appreciate you deeply!

This is How I Know

So I’ve had my heart broken today, and it’s ok. I mean it hurts, but I think it had to happen. I love her so very deeply.

A lot of people say, “You make me want to be a better person.”. So often those are just words they say, hell I’ve said the words in the past myself. However, this woman really did make me want to be a better person. I even made several changes to become a better, healthier person while we were together. I learned things from this woman and our relationship that I didn’t even know I needed to learn.

This woman has been through a lot of shit in her life. She, like many of us, has a history of trauma that she needs to heal. A lot of past wounds that are still wide open. She has had her confidence, her self-esteem, her self-worth, her true-self stripped away from her. She has a journey ahead of her to heal and rebuild herself to be the person she wants to be. The essence of who she is, is truly beautiful. She has a solid foundation to build from, she just can’t see how incredible she already is. She can’t see how worthy she already is of all of the good things life has to offer her. She can’t see how loveable she is. She can’t see her own strength and courage. I’ve been able to see her, to truly see her from the first day I looked into her eyes. She has so much pain in her eyes, but behind all of that pain is a truly beautiful soul.

Another thing people often say is, “when you truly love someone, all you will want for them is happiness, even if that happiness isn’t with you.”. I have come to a place of knowing that I truly love this woman because I don’t need her to be happy with me, I just want her to be happy. I just want the best for her. I want her to heal old wounds and past trauma so that she can finally be the person she wants to be. So she can finally be free to be herself. To love who she wants. To live and love out loud. I want her to see and know her worth. I want her to see and know her beauty. I want her to believe in herself like I believe in her. I want her to feel the strength and courage that lives inside of her. I want her to be everything she wants to be. I want her to have everything she wants. I want all of her wants and needs met. I want her to see herself the way I see her. I have seen her truly happy, she lights up a room. When she allows herself to feel like her true self, she is so kind, compassionate, understanding, loving, and just incredibly beautiful. I want her to feel like her true-self all of the time. I want her to heal and be healthy and happy. She is so deserving and worthy of healing, happiness, healthy love, healthy connections, and all the good things in life. I want to give her my strength while she builds her own. I want to give her my courage while she finds hers. I want her to fight for herself. I want her to learn to forgive herself. I want her to learn to be gentle and patient with herself. I want her to learn to love herself. I want her to courageously live her life unapologetically.

I want what’s best for her, even if that’s not me. This is how I know, I truly love this woman.