Live Life Unapologetically

The other night someone, I love very deeply, told me that they admire me for living my life unapologetically. I’m not sure I had actually given too much thought to it prior to that moment. I just live my life in a way that feels good, right, and makes me happy. I don’t care much about what other people think of me or how I live my life. It is, after all, my life, not theirs.

One of my favorite quotes is:

“What other people think of me, is none of my business.”

The first time I’d ever heard the quote, I didn’t necessarily agree with it, but I also didn’t fully understand it at the time. Initially, I was like, why wouldn’t it be my business what other people think of me? Of course, it’s my business. Over time, however, I came to understand that their perception of me was just that, their perception. It really has nothing to do with me. I know I am a good person. I know that I am doing the best I can. I strive to live my best life. I know that this is my life and that I actually get to live it the way I want to live it. Not everyone has to agree with how I live my life. Not everyone has to like it. That’s ok, because it’s no one else’s life to live but mine. It’s my life, I get to decide how I live it. I will live it in a way that I feel happy, fulfilled, loved, supported, and appreciated for who I am. I will not live my life to please other people. I will live my life for myself, it’s my life. You can either love me, support me, accept me, and appreciate me for who I am, or you can see yourself out. I will not make myself less than for anyone. I will not give anyone the power to shame me for doing what is best for me and what makes me happy! I’ve spent far too much of my life doing that and I will do it no more.

What other people think of me is their problem, not mine.

This Shit Ain’t Easy

 

Sometimes I hate having to deal with the constant battle of depression, C-PTSD, anxiety, and all the shit that comes with it.

I hate that I have to deal with this on a daily basis.

I hate that this is the life I’ve been given.

I hate that everything seems like such a damn chore.

I hate the constant unsettled feeling I have inside of me.

I hate the heaviness that weighs on me day in and day out.

I hate the hyper-vigilance.

I hate the constant questioning and self doubt.

I hate cyclical good day/bad day shit and the never knowing which one it’s going to be.

I hate taking the meds I can’t miss without everything going to shit within 48 hours.

I hate the pressure I feel from everyone to just do this or just do that (if only it were that damn easy).

I hate the thought of disappointing others if I don’t do this or that.

I hate the loneliness, which is very different that being alone.

I hate the fear that holds me back.

I hate the pressure of leaning into that fear.

I hate the lack of control I have over parts of my life.

I hate that I’m not further along in the healing process than I am.

I hate that I can’t just beat this shit and move on with my life.

I hate that I don’t understand why this shit holds onto me so much or why I hold onto this shit so much.

I hate that I can’t just let it all go.

I hate that the healing process is so mother-fucking hard!