It’s My Blog and I’ll Whine if I Want To!

It’s said that The Universe will continue to bring similar situations to you until you’ve learned the lesson. I suppose, given my history and track record in life so far, that’s true; I’m apparently a very slow learner. There seems to be a very particular lesson that I am clearly unable to learn…picking romantic relationships/partners. I don’t necessarily regret any romantic relationship I’ve ever been in, as I’ve learned something from each one and I’ve grown from each one. I feel like I am ready for the happy, healthy, kind, compassionate, supportive, honest, loving, mutually respectful, committed relationship that I know I deserve and am worthy of. The Universe, on the other hand, obviously doesn’t think I am ready for that. I’m pretty much over learning romantic relationship lessons.

It’s also said that The Universe will make us happy, but first it will make us strong. At this point in my life, I have to assume that The Universe is preparing me to single handedly save the world from a zombie apocalypse. Why else would I need to be this strong?

I’m tired. I’m physically, emotionally, mentally exhausted.

Dear Depression

It’s been a long time since you’ve come around. I was hoping that, perhaps, I’d never see you again. I should’ve known better. I’ve sensed you lingering in the background, waiting for the right time. I guess you found your opportunity and you snuck right in. You’ve always had that way about you, waiting for the right moment to sneak your way back in.

Your darkness can be so overpowering. Shadowing over me, ready to pounce at the slightest sign of weakness. I’ve been strong for so long, I just needed a little break, I just needed to cry for a moment. I needed some release, and you saw it as your moment to attack.

Sometimes, when there are long stretches between your visits, I forget how incredibly painful the feeling of your numbness is. I am always amazed at how numbness is, by far, one of the worst aches in the world.

I wonder, how long you’re planning to visit this time? I really don’t have time in my life for you right now. You’re dropping in at a rather inconvenient time. Just because you saw that I was experiencing sadness, doesn’t give you the right to invade my life. My sadness is not an invitation for you to show up. I’d really appreciate it, if you could go back to the dark corner from which you came and just let me be. I know I am struggling a bit emotionally these days, but your presence doesn’t help matters at all. You are not a comfort to me.

You do not get to just walk in and take over my emotions and my life, not anymore. Maybe there was a time in my life when you were somehow a protector or coping mechanism, but that is not your role here anymore. You have no role here anymore. I’m going to need you to take a backseat in my life. I can no longer allow you to jump in behind the wheel whenever it suits you. This is my life, you don’t get to control it. This time I am going to fight you harder than I ever have before. This time, you don’t get to take me to my knees. This time I am going to stand-up and rail against you. You may have won several battles in the past, but this war with you, is mine to win.

Sincerely,

The Woman Warrior you no longer want to fuck with!