Hello Darkness, My Old Friend

How do you do it? How do you creep up on me without me knowing?

I am sitting right at the edge of your nothingness, your dark abyss. I am here with that horrible aching numbness, that emptiness, and I am fighting with everything I have to not give in to you.

I refuse to let you bring me to my knees begging and pleading for mercy, again.  You feed on my weaknesses, my insecurities, my heartbreak, my frustration, my exhaustion; I know I feed you well.

What is so much more than that, though, is the overwhelming and relentless amount of love I have in my heart. That is too much for you to swallow. It’s your kryptonite and I am full stocked!

You may wear me down, you may bring me to my knees, and you have dragged me into an unimaginable darkness but I am so much stronger than you think and I will get back up every.fucking.time.

Depression, my old friend, you have won many battles but I am going to win the war.

Your old friend,

The Survivor

 

I’m Hella Worth It!

Lately I find myself teetering between insecure, unworthy, little girl and strong, independent, I am woman hear me roar. I’m getting really tired of the insecure unworthy little girl popping her needy little head out. She had a role to play many years ago, but her services are no longer needed.

I’ve been a single independent woman for the last 5 years and I’ve stood on my own two feet for the last 8 years. Not because I didn’t have options, but because I refused to settle for anything less than what I deserve.

In my life I’ve been knocked down, survived damn near every type of abuse and sexual assault imaginable, and I’m still standing.

I’ve had my heart shattered into a million tiny pieces. I gathered all of those tiny little pieces back up, put them all back together and then I dared to love again. My heart may get shattered into a million tiny pieces again, and again, I will gather them all up, put them all back together, and I will dare to love again.

I am resilient. Knock me down 7 times and I will get back up 8. I have been through hell and back so many times I’ve got my own express way.

After the hell I’ve been through I am still kindhearted, compassionate, caring, gentle, understanding, and loving. These characteristics I have, these traits that run deep to my soul; do not view them as weaknesses because it takes incredible strength to go through all I have gone through and still have nothing but love in my heart.

I am no longer that insecure, unworthy little girl. I am a strong independent woman. I don’t “need” anyone to complete me or make me whole. I am whole on my own. I WANT someone to compliment my wholeness with their wholeness. If it’s you that I want, you should feel pretty damn special because sure, I might not always be easy to handle, but I’m hella worth it, and you can take that straight to the bank!

  • I am woman, hear me ROAR!