Accountability

Accountability

One of the fastest ways to lose my respect is to throw someone else under the bus to save your own ass. It’s a shitty cowardly thing to do.

If you’re willing to take all of the glory for doing something successfully then you also need to be willing to take responsibility for mistakes you make.

I have made my fair share of mistakes in my life. In fact, my list of mistakes is probably much longer than my list of accomplishments/successes. When I was a teenager I was in trouble all of the time (with the law). Even back then I took accountability for my actions and behaviors. I didn’t blame anyone else, I didn’t throw anyone under the bus to save my ass. I owned my shit and suffered the consequences. And I’m a better person today because of it.

The thing about mistakes is that they aren’t all bad. We learn and grow more in our mistakes than we do in our successes. But in order to learn and grow from our mistakes we need to take accountability for them. Otherwise all we are learning is how to be a shitty person.

It’s been my experience that people who blame others and/or don’t take accountability for their mistakes are attempting to appear flawless, without error, perfect in their actions and behaviors. The irony of it is that they actually end up looking like a liar, disrespectful, cowardly, small, and untrustworthy. So they appear worse than if they had just taken accountability for themselves.

People forgive mistakes because we all make them, it’s a side effect of being human; seldom do people forgive being lied to, disrespected, or being run-over by a bus for someone else’s mistake.

I realize how difficult it can be to own our mistakes, our wrong doings. Pride and ego are the hardest pills to swallow, but it’s the right thing to do. It is harder to do the right thing than it is to not care. It is harder to be humble than it is to be arrogantly prideful. No one likes to be wrong, no one likes to make mistakes, but these things happen. Not just to you or to me but to everyone. No one person is without mistakes. So why lie, point blame at an innocent person, betray others? There is far more to lose than to gain in that kind of behavior.

Just own YOUR shit! You’ll survive it, I promise. The rest of us have.

  • Dani

 

Be Kind To Yourself: You Matter

Be Kind To Yourself: You Matter

How we treat, take care, and think of ourselves is essential. It’s the foundation to living a healthy happy life. It is our job, our responsibility to take care of ourselves and be sure that our mind, body, and soul’s needs are being met. Doing this will, in effect, allow us to be fully there for others. Many think it is selfish to put yourself first. I disagree. How can we effectively be there, care for, love others when we can’t even do that for ourselves? It is not selfish to take care of and treat yourself well before others, it’s the healthy thing to do. We tend to put ourselves on the back burner while we tend to others, this results in us suffering because we aren’t giving ourselves the time we need to meet our own physical and mental/emotional needs. At that rate, we will find ourselves unhappy, dissatisfied, exhausted, and quite possibly resentful of the people we’ve been giving our all to while neglecting ourselves. This is NOT healthy. 

You can't pour from an empty cup

While taking care of yourself you can, of course, still care for others. Just be sure you are not neglecting yourself in the process. 

Caring for yourself, loving yourself, and treating yourself well doesn’t have to be a big time-consuming process. Be an active part of your life. Do things you enjoy doing; it could be reading a book, taking a walk, a 5 minute meditation practice or a day long meditation practice if you so desire. It could be taking time to do a few yoga poses, write a letter, maybe even write a letter old school style with pen and paper. The objective is to do something that fills your heart with happiness. Make time for yourself daily.

We talk to ourselves all of the time; some of us do it out loud while others do it silently in their heads, whatever the case, being mindful of how you talk to yourself and the messages you send yourself is crucial. I suspect, more often than not, we are being critical of our self rather than being kind and loving with our self. If this is the case, having an awareness of this will be very helpful in changing your self-talk. We can either build ourselves up or tear ourselves down with self-talk. We tend to believe what we tell ourselves, this can be very damaging. Try to be aware of when you talk to yourself. If you find yourself being unnecessarily critical of yourself or tearing yourself down, then stop in the middle of that self-talk session and correct what you’re saying to yourself. Maybe you’ve made a mistake, or did something wrong; that’s okay, you’re human. To error is a side effect of being human. We are ALL perfectly imperfect. Rather than tearing yourself down, make it a teaching/learning moment for yourself. Ask, “how can I handle this conversation with myself in a way that isn’t negative self-talk, but rather constructive self-talk?”. Overtime and with practice the way you self-talk will change and begin to do more building up rather than tearing down.

Once you begin loving, caring, and treating yourself well you will come to expect that same treatment from others. You will no longer accept less than you deserve. 

Therefore, another piece to caring for yourself and treating yourself well is being aware of who you surround yourself with. We want connections with others, we want to be understood, we want a voice, we want respect, we want like-minded people, and we want support from the people we surround ourselves with. If you find yourself lacking these kinds of people in your circle, then join a group, club, organization, or class where like-minded people will be. If you like to meditate then find a meditation group near you. If you like to read then find a book club. If you like to do yoga then join a yoga class. There are other people in the world with similar interests as you, you just have to find them and connect with them. When you find them, you will know. These people are your tribe. These people “get” you. You will find peace, inspiration, understanding, a voice, and support. I can’t express enough the importance of finding your tribe. This will be so beneficial to your self-care. 

Learning to treat yourself well, and to love and care for yourself will not be an easy endeavor. There’s a chance that how you treat and talk to yourself is how you’ve been treated and talked to by others, it’s a learned behavior. Learned behaviors can be corrected and replaced with better behaviors. But it will take time, patience, awareness, effort, and respect from yourself. You will need to be kind and gentle with yourself. In the end it will be one of, if not, the greatest gift you could give yourself, your loved ones, and all of the people in your tribe. 

While you work on loving and caring for yourself, and treating yourself well, know that the following is true:

You are precious. You are worthy. You are good enough. You are enough. You are deserving of love, of healthy love. You are deserving of happiness. You have a voice and it deserves to be heard. You are deserving of respect. You, My Darlings, matter.

With Loving-kindness for yourself and others ♥

You are not alone!